I am not a "Sex and the City" fan...

A couple more days and the loose ends in the life of shallow, Marlboro Lights chimney Carrie Bradshaw will finally be tied up, or not.

Amidst all the negative reviews, the trashy tabloid publicities, and the acorn headgear disaster (SJP), I'd still throw away 11 bucks worth of sheer causeless wit and repartee between Carrie, Samantha, Charlotte, and Miranda. These characters represent fragments of what we long to possess but will never really have. It's a not-so-subtle way of giving the hopeless a glimmer of what can never be; like rubbing bleaching cream over brown nipples. But isn't that one reason why we go to the movies? It is a respite from the craziness that is our daily lives; like a glass of pure, clean water after a long hike up a mountain of shit.



I am watching the movie not because Chris Noth gets more airtime. I am watching the movie not because Stanford and Anthony remind me of the "mentors" I've met over the years. I am watching the movie not because Jennifer Hudson will try to prove that her Oscar isn't just a fluke. I am watching the movie not because I am a fan of the show but because.....I am "Sex and the City." ;)


GTGL8RZ!

Trashingly creative

Housing Ad seen on Craigslist:

"$460 / 1br - butt-ugly basement apt for rent (again). still cheap (gerrard/coxwell)

looking for new hobbit for low-ceiling basement apartment with crooked walls and head-banger doorway.
ongoing noises from creaky upstairs wood floors, furnace and hot water heater.
definitely not "well-appointed".
not shiny
not bright
not new

could it sound more attractive?!

ah, but did you notice the price?!!!

and for this you get:
-a separate entrance.
-own bathroom
-mini-kitchen (in an awkward spot right at the entrance) with gas stove/oven, sink and bar-fridge.
-one bedroom and a living area.
-no worries about a roomie moving out and leaving you responsible to cover the whole rent alone!
-a relatively laid back landlady (... except about garbage, smell, and rent payment.)
-leaks, major issues dealt with as promptly as possible

for this I get:
- one (1) tenant who is relatively laid back... except about paying the rent on time. always on time.
-someone who cares deeply about not attracting rodents or insects, who doesn't befriend organic waste.
-someone who lets me know about leaks and any other major issues
-a non-smoker.
-no pets (sorry, I like animals but based on experience, I don't always trust their owners to take care of them)
-good references, including one from most recent landlord... who is not (coincidentally!?) the owner of the pub that you frequent. (no objection to alcohol, just to loud drunken stupidity)

paddlers/hikers/eco-conscious people preferred, but this is definitely not a requirement.
OK, well, the last one is sort of a requirement because I've ordered a "small" sized garbage bin from the city of toronto and if I need to upgrade to medium or large, you will have to pay for it.
There are sometimes canoes in the wee-little-bitty backyard. And bicycles. And stuff. "laid-back" might cover that, but paddler/hiker/cyclist might help since that's the "stuff" that clutters the yard.

please note that i'm going to show it to at LEAST 5 people before committing. even if i like you.

my current tenant is moving closer to work and I've offered a pro-rated rent refund depending on when new tenant moves in, so the availability is quite flexible.

if you've taken the time to read this and are interested, reply to posting or email me at __________@hotmail.com (please use something like "apartment for rent" in the subject line) I'll get back to you as soon as possible

Pics available upon request. "


(How creative, isn't it?)

GTGL8RZ!

Wimpy fingers can be cured?

And so I thought the weirdest thing that I've ever heard is putting Vick's vaporub on foot soles to stop persistent coughing.

I was wrong. Just about a month ago, I was boring myself flipping channels one night when I stumbled on a documentary that delves on curing homosexuality. Uh-huh...that's exactly the premise of the whole docu...is gayness curable? Ugh! The film's subjects were "ex gay" Christian groups in the US that truly believe that they are going to heaven if they stop having actual copulation with the same sex when, in fact, they are dreaming of phalli 24/7. The film also interviews "hell-bound" but happy full-on gays who, of course, were fabulous. I couldn't find the actual film that I saw but here is a similar take on the same issue:

GAY CONVERSION-CURING HOMOSEXUALITY
{free film from Freedocumentaries.org}

And then here's a hilarious slap on the "ex-gay" activists:


{Youtube clip from ThoseLil'Rabbits}

GTGL8RZ!

ibeatyou

Fill in the blank:

...an excuse to brag about your lack of ______

Agoraphobics Can Party Too!

Oftentimes, when I get zits invasion I turn down party invites even when there's free booze. So when I found out about this contraption I thought, not only can vain queens stay home and have a good time, even agoraphobics can party too! The only problem is, I'm 10 years too old to party like there's no tomorrow. Tragic.

Before you play the video, I just would like to say that it reminded me of a Brian De Palma movie sequence. For non-film geeks, Brian is fixated with long, continuous, one-shot scenes in many of his movies like in Snake Eyes. Now turn up the volume and click!



This isn't an edited video. As I alluded, it's one continuous shot. If you wanna know more and might be thinking of getting one for your shit hole, then CLICK HERE.

GTGL8RZ!

Guilty Pleasure

I've tried my best not to upload anymore American Idol stuff in here coz you can find them all over the internet. But since the season's almost done and there's a slim chance that Syesha could topple the better David, I figured I'd do a salute to the genre breaker that is Cook.

Here's a talented youtube user (De1in) video covered with the song "Makeover" from David Cook's pre-idol album "Analog Heart."



GTGL8RZ!

Pimping the Bird

10 stills x 6, 6 frames per second

Anybody knows what type of bird this is? I have no clue.






GTGL8RZ!

To pull, or not to pull

Woke up early today in anticipation of a long visit to the...DENTIST. Such a nice day, isn't it? And for what? A freaking re-canalization of the roots. You read it right, it's a redo. Ugh! If I only knew how everything will go under the drill, I would have postponed it. Anyway, I felt brave enough to actually go through it again so I went ahead.

As soon as I got to the clinic, I was ushered in to a private room. No waiting for ages. Hhhmm...good sign. Maybe this isn't such a bad idea after all.

The procedure was going well and I was psyching myself for a nice meal in a couple of hours, until the last 15 minutes when I hear the dentist and the assistant going:

Dentist: Did I puncture it?
Assistant: Looks like, let me suction it.
Dentist: The bleeding isn't stopping.
Assistant: (drops a plier or something on the floor) Oh!
Dentist: (blebs of sweat forming on his forehead) It's not stopping. I need to x-ray.
Assistant: (hurries out the door and bumps a table full of clangy instruments) Oops, sorry.

To make the long story short, the x-ray showed a 1-2 mm puncture in the middle of the tooth exposing the bed of the gum, which means that the original plan for re-canalization will drastically change. Still with the isolation clamp and bite wedge in my mouth, I was given 4 options on how to proceed:

1. Molar will be cut in half following the puncture site...which means 2 separate crowns will be put instead of 1 = ~$3000
2. Referral to a specialist for puncture cementing and another redo = ~$4000
3. Tooth extraction + permanent implant = ~$4000+++
4. Tooth extraction + braces + permanent bridge = ~$3000

Ugh! I din't really have any choice coz it was already messed up. Even with insurance, I still have to pay a good sum for these procedures. I chose #4 for the sole reason that no insurance in Ontario covers a permanent implant, well, at least mine din't cover it.

The extraction was done in less than a minute and I went out of the clinic literally bleeding and broke.

Such a nice day, really!

Lessons learned:
1. Marry a dentist.
2. Tooth implants are like mistresses. They are more expensive to keep than the original.
3. Dental appointments are life changing indeed.


GTGL8RZ!

Nekkid ruggers

Nothing beats a 48-0 loss than having over a dozen rugby players playing spin-a-wheel. :P

If you feel obligated to know the story behind the vids, CLICK HERE.

Otherwise, for all the non-hypocrites, click the links with caution:


delfi.lt

break.com

Mars is laughing at us!

{Image from planetary.org}

I guess by now the whole of the universe have heard of the two Turkey Hunting disasters in Ohio and in Minnesota this year. Such sad incidents but, come on, it's overtly stupid. I'm too embarrassed for humanity. Why would you even let a kid get close to a gun, for fart's sake; and do you even need to be that hidden that you don't even see it's a turkey you're shooting? I mean, it's not like you're bear hunting.



{Images from msss.com}

Apparently, this mess is not uncommon. CLICK HERE to see how shitty man has become.

Can't the migration to Mars start already?

SPAMming the SPAMmer

I'm sure everyone gets two or more spams in a day and it sucks even if you have a bulk/spam folder 'coz precious milliseconds and minute ATPs are wasted. Well, it's been my ritual to check the subject headings first before I forever curse them to spam land. So last week I got this peculiar email from a spammer with a Russian sounding name:


{Click on the picture for a bigger version}

The spam read like this:

==============================================

Dear Sir/Madam,

Though this approach appears desperate difficulties, encountered in
efforts to establish a business abroad necessitate this search for someone
to assist me in securing and investing a very large sum of money which was
owned by close friend and business partner for a long time.


I am IVAN YURI an English citizen by birth but have leaved all my life in
Russia since I was 10 years old I am 55 years now, I was the personal
assistant and very close friend to LATE MR VIKTOR BARKOV for over
12years the Ex President of a well know firm RUCAS OIL & GAS LTD in
Russia. I left the firm in 1997 after LATE MR VIKTOR BARKOV retired at the
age of 60. Since then I went on to open my soliciting firm in the United
Kingdom and I have manage LATE MR VIKTOR BARKOV funds, which was in the
United Kingdom.


On the 11 of March 2004,it came to my notice that LATE MR VIKTOR BARKOV
was on vacation in Spain ,he was going for sight seeing when he got on
the commuter train system of Madrid when series of coordinated bombings
took place (a suicide bomber with a bag pack on train) in the Madrid
commuter train exploded which killed over 191 people and injured a further
2050 and my dearest friend God bless his sole LATE MR VIKTOR BARKOV was
caught in the incident I always remember when I spoke to him last on the
10th of that month and he told me how Spain was it took me over a year to
get over it and come to reality that he was no more. Since then I have
paid over £150,000 for the last 4 year to secure this funds I have been
looking for any of his relatives since then and only to find out that he
was the last generation of the BARKOV Family single and Died at the age of
65years.


YOUR ROLE:


It came to my notice on the 1st of this month from the security firm where
this funds were deposited that if we cant pay the taxation fess of these
funds by the end of year the funds will be remitted to the British
commission, I have a profiling amount of $20,000,000USD(Twenty Million
Dollars).Which I seek your Partnership in accommodating for me. A You will
be rewarded as mentioned above with 25% of the total sum for your
partnership cooperation. Can you be my partner on this? All I need from
you is to stand as the beneficiary of the above quoted Sum and I will
re-profile the funds with your name, which will enable the European
haulage and private vault Security Company release the consignment of the
funds to you in your name as the new beneficiary to the claims of the
Funds. While 5% should be for expenses or tax as your government may
require. All I require is your honest co-operation to enable us having
this
transaction accomplished. I have all the documents (DEPOSIT CERTIFICATE)
and also will be arranging documents from Russia make you a relative that
guarantee this transaction is executed under a legitimate arrangement Also
as a personal lawyer to LATE MR VIKTOR BARKOV i will provide us with all
legal guide in collecting this funds without any trouble for both
countries government. This will protect everyone involved from breach of
the law’s will also send you text of claim application to fill out. You
shall be expect to fill it out and forwarded to the security firm,
requesting for the immediate remittance of the fund into your nominated
account.
It is worthy to note that due to the nature of this transaction absolute
confidentiality is required when the fund has been remitted into your
nominated account. I must assure you, once again, this transaction is safe
and free from any encumbrance because adequate arrangement have been Put
in place for its success. Your sincere cooperation in this regards, will
be duly appreciated. I look forward to your urgent reply.

NB: Due to security reason I need you to contact me on my private email:
ivanyuri165@hotmail.com

Regards,
Mr.Ivan Yuri

=============================================

Impressive, don't you think? Of course, that oil and gas company in Russia exists, and the 2004 bombing line was eerily accurate. The spammers actually do some research before wreaking havoc to our innocent email addresses. I just have to let them know that someone actually read their rubbish so I emailed them back.

This is my spam:


{Click the picture for a bigger version}

As expected, I got no response whatsoever. :P


GTGL8RZ!

Go Green!

6 weeks! Finally, the "kinda" second installment to the Hulk film saga is coming.

Louis Leterrier seems like a better fit to do this as opposed to Ang Lee; what with his double Transporter drugs, which were both drab-free. I don't really care much about the storyline when it comes to popcorn flicks like this. It's all about entertainment not intelligent post-movie repartee.

BTW, the climactic clash between The Abomination and The Hulk was filmed in downtown Toronto, and I sorta got to see the made-up street and props. No Edward Norton sighting though.




GTGL8RZ!

The-re-min what?!

Yeah, I'm not very musical. But hey, I got really curious with this device/instrument. I guess I'm not the only one who has not been introduced, so before googling the title can you tell what these are?

[Image from VintageSynth]

How bout this one?



Still perplexed? Check out these vids:





If you wanna know more or, like me, just plain curious CLICK HERE.



In my opinion, nothing beats how Levi Celerio plays tunes with just a leaf. I'm just saying...

[Image from Spock]


GTGL8RZ!

Triplets?

I dunno if it's just me, but while watching Survivor Micronesia, I can't help but think that I must've seen Erik in some movie before. Well, not really. He just looks like...



Left: Jon Heder (Napoleon Dynamite/Blades of Glory)
Center: Erik Reichenbach (Survivor Micronesia-Fans VS Favorites)
Right: Felicity Huffman (Desperate Housewives/Transamerica)

I think the $40 chocolate-covered finger lick he did is what reality TV is all about! I'm just saying...

GTGL8RZ!

Images from:
CBS.com
Yahoo
Askmen.com

Car 30

Remember that time when you had to save money on a trip and you had no choice but to be trapped with the in-laws in a dingy motel and it felt like you're gonna die? Well, this is worse. Okay, okay...maybe the in-laws thing is hell.



But anyway, this video was purportedly leaked after more than 8 years of active cover-up by an obviously embarrassed to death company. Apparently, Nicholas White (the guy in the video) went down for a smoke break not knowing that it would be the longest smoke break that he would ever have. The incident became his ticket to a downward spiral. What would you do if you were stuck in a cage for more than 40 hours with...no cellphone, no water, no ipod?



Here's the full and very sad story of Nicholas White from the New Yorker.

All I can say is.....at least he had smokes. ;)

GTGL8RZ!

Crackhead Tap

Took the subway early this morning after downing a cheap bottle of vino and a bar of coffee crisp last night. Got a little thirsty so I finished everything even before I finished watching Lars and The Real Girl. Movie's not bad but drags a bit, and with 14% alcohol in my system, I would cry at the corniest of scenes and flap my wings at the stupidest of jokes.

So back to the subway scene. I got on Victoria Park and sat in front of an obviously high crackhead wearing a black tee with a yellow Star Wars print. Halfway in the trip, the guy taps my shoulder and whispers something. I was enjoying the chorus of Elliott's Free so I din't catch what he was saying. Took the pods off and asked. This was how the conversation went:

Me: What's that?
Crackhead: So I'm going to Woodbine and I'm spending 3 grand. Which number should I choose, 31 or 57?
Me: (was still half asleep and cranky) Why don't you buy a 3 grand suit, go and lay on the 401 and take 5 forever!

(then I stood and walk to the other end of the coach and spent the rest of the trip with Elliott Yamin)

Now, I'm gonna be expecting a morbid news about that guy in the following days.

GTGL8RZ!

Kids' Play

107 still photos + Quicktime + iMovie = shitty vid

enjoy.....or not!

:P




GTGL8RZ!

Black Suede Scandal?

I got a weird email spam this morning regarding a supposed Cebu scandal. And yes, I actually check the spam titles before deleting them...everytime. Coz you never know what gossip you may miss. And so I read on and it went to say that a case will be filed for patient-doctor confidentiality breach regarding a youtube vid of an anal surgery.

WTF?! How and why the heck would an anal surgery be interesting to merit online space?

.....BODY SPRAY BOTTLE IN THE HOLE!


Oh, that's interesting! So I went ahead and searched through youtube planet. Took me just 5 minutes to finally get into a copy of a copy of the original upload. Turns out, the originals and other copies have been erased, for some legal reasons. Anyway, the vid was obviously taken with a phonecam and it looked like it was done inside the O.R. To me, the procedure actually was not surgery, it's more of lost item recovery, as I don't think an incision was needed to get through the freaking bottle. So there, dirty/contaminated surgery, whatever you wish to call it, it was a fiasco in that certain cubicle, they were cheering, for barf's sake. At one point, a member of the team even said "put it back in!" I also noticed 2 other cams recording the whole thing so I'm sure other vids will soon surface.



If you're wondering how the hell did this thing happen, CLICK HERE for a version of what probably transpired.



I feel so bad for..........the bottle. Poverty sucks that people can't even afford a decent dildo.

Lessons learned from this:
1. Have sex without booze and drugs. Trust me, it's better to feel the pressure when you're fully conscious.
2. Love thy lube...lots of it.
3. If you can't fart, then something's wrong with the pipes.






GTGL8RZ!

Freebie!

So I got an email from NOW Toronto and I was thrilled to finally win something from their newsletter mailing list. I've been signing up for contests for months and I've only gotten cold callers instead of goodie packages. Anyway, I won tickets to see the premiere of Family Motel. Of course, I haven't heard of it, but quick googling says it's a Canadian production about a Somali family's battle with immigrant issues and homelessness. A friend went with me not knowing what to expect.



Well, I should say I loved the film. It's a little held off in terms of violent mishaps and situations, but I understand it was done light so as not to pull the focus away from the real issues. To me it's more of an inner struggle among the characters so the heavy emotions drawn out were enough. There was a post show Q&A with the actors and the production and it's interesting to note that the lead actors haven't even done any kind of film before. They also did the whole production without an actual script, so I applaud the cast for their improv talents, which should ring higher fees, but then again it's a film for a cause so forget that. Production wise, it was filmed in HD cams so you could actually see the smallest of comedones on the actors' faces. It's also nice that they actually used real people in their real jobs in the course of the mother's challenges. Overall, it's a well-crafted film. Although it's probably best suited shown on TV for more people to see, I hope the film gains more support for better exposure around the world. The film opens early May in Toronto so watch for it!

GTGL8RZ!

Winter's done

Goodness! It's been 2 years and this is still on. I would think my page would get shelved after a year or so of basically nonexistence. Anyway, I hope to get more hits and share more to a nonexistent audience. Who knows, I might meet some interesting people thru this. Will try to link my flickr photos too. I dunno how to do it yet but it will happen...in 42 years. :P

GTGL8RZ!